Like the pickup line, men haven't quite mastered the art of the compliment. You think you’re being flattering when you pay a woman praise, but sometimes you just come off as a jerk. Save yourself from her scorn by knowing the common—and seemingly innocent—compliments that are actually insulting, lazy, or flat-out nausea-inducing.
1. “I love that I don't have to try around you.”
You mean to say that you simply feel comfortable around her, but it sounds like you don’t think she’s worth the effort—be it to plan a romantic date, or put on clean boxers—says dating coach Stella Belmar, author of What Women Really Like In A Man.
Try this instead: “I feel really comfortable around you.” Go with your gut—it's right.
2. “You’re so cool. How are you still single?”
Three things to know about this line: It's overused, it's backhanded, and the first guy to ever utter it was probably kicked in the shin right after. You're basically saying, “You seem cool, but what’s the secret deal-breaker that’s made other men run away screaming?” explains licensed psychotherapist and relationship counselor Chantal Gagnon, Ph.D. Plus, even if you mean it rhetorically, the question puts her on the defense, making her grasp for explanations as to why she is, in fact, still single, Belmar says. That’s something no woman wants to dwell on, least of all during a date.
Try this instead: “It’s so cool that you ..." Fill in the blank, and be specific. Generic compliments come off as insincere, Gagnon says.
3. “You’re different than the other girls I have dated.”
Wait, different how? While this line causes her to worry about if she’s prettier, uglier, smarter, or more stupid than your past exploits, it also insults your former flames, Gagnon says. Bitter much? Plus, most women worry enough about how they stack up against others without you bringing it up.
Try this instead: “Your [fill in the blank] is so refreshing.” Call out her unique characteristics without the comparisons.
4. “You look gorgeous in that pic.”
Bad move, buddy. “You’re implying that either she doesn't look good in other pictures, or worse, in person,” says Gagnon. And, if you’ve doled out this compliment on a dating site, it’s probably the reason you aren’t hearing back. “It tends to come across as shallow,” she says. “Most people who date online know that others are judging their picture. It's not necessary to point it out.”
Try this instead: "That’s a great picture.” And, if you actually know her, “You always look so beautiful."
5. “You’re a keeper.”
Say this before you’ve had “the talk,” and she’ll likely think you’re taking things too fast, Gagnon says. Plus, no matter when this line is delivered, it comes across as evaluative—like you’re judging her against some mental checklist.
Try this instead: “I had a great time tonight. I’d love to take you out again.” Simple. Sincere. Smooth.
6. “You look great.”
Wait, aren’t you supposed to compliment her when she’s all gussied up? Well, yeah, but not if you're going to half-ass it. “ ‘You look great’ is almost too expected and boring,” Gagnon says. You need to show her that you really mean it. Otherwise, this compliment could be worse than saying nothing at all.
Try this instead: “You look beautiful. I love that dress on you.” But, if you’re on a first date, save all appearance-focused compliments for later in the evening once you’ve already praised her personality, Gagnon says.
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